My Mum's Ancient Family Bible

My Mum's Ancient Family Bible
Kept in the garage of all places for so many years, it's finally been put to good use.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Jealous? (Exodus 33-34)

For some reason or other, God keeps referring to Moses and his people as a "stiff-necked people" (Exo 33:5). I didn't mention this when it came up in previous passages but it's used quite a few times off the top of Exodus 33. I guess it means that they're stubborn. This seems a little uncalled for since the people that are still kicking around have followed Moses out of Egypt, marched through the parted Red Sea, spent days and nights waiting at the base of a mountain (with nothing to do) and killed thousands of their friends on command. They seem pretty flexible to me.

Anyways, God promises to take Moses and his people to a new land of "milk and honey," (Exo 34:3) which I surmise is next to Candyland. He also promises to drive out the following people: the Canaanites, the Amorites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites. So far everyone is bad according to the Bible except the Israelites, and even that herd keeps getting culled.

Not only will he get rid of these other tribes, God fully endorses the desecration of their altars to other gods. He says, "you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous god" (Exo 33:14). No kidding? I think I'll start asking people if they believe in Jealous.

Moses is a little frustrated that he hasn't gotten to see God's face. I don't know what he expects. God's compromise is to stand Moses on a rock, cover him with his huge, holy hand so he can't see anything, then remove it at the last minute so Moses can get a glimpse of his back. Maybe God is a butterface.

Moses and God have to redo the tablets for the Ten Commandments because Moses broke the last two in one of his increasingly more common spazzes. So they go off together for a while back up to Mount Sinai. When Moses returns, his face is all glowy and shiny like he just got a facial because he's been talking with God. "And when Aaron and all the people of Israel saw Moses, behold, the skin of his face shone, and they were afraid to come near him" (Exo 34:30). This makes perfect sense to me because when I get a facial, I usually get waxing done at the same time (to remove my light, downy lady-beard) and it is scary for about an hour or two afterward, until my follicles calm down.

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