My Mum's Ancient Family Bible

My Mum's Ancient Family Bible
Kept in the garage of all places for so many years, it's finally been put to good use.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

For the Last Time: Let My People Go Already (Exodus 9-11)

If you've been keeping score then you know God has unleashed a wave of plagues upon the Pharaoh's lands:

1) Bloody Nile
2) Frogs
3) Gnats (I missed this in my last post; I thought gnats and flies were one in the same)
4) Flies

However, the Pharaoh is still suffering from a "hardened heart" and stubbornly refuses to let the Hebrews go. Man, his emotions are really locked up. You'd think he was a male comedian in his late 20s to early 30s.

So God sends another plague his way; this time he kills all the cattle, which is a huge waste of beef. Those cows were probably all grass-fed, too. That doesn't work so God gives all the Egyptians disgusting boils. I wasn't sure exactly what a boil was so I looked it up: it's pus and dead tissue locating deep within the skin. Kind of like a mega-zit. There must have been a few teenaged Egyptians who didn't even notice that particular plague happened. Oh, and a cluster of boils is called a carbuncle. Interesting.

If I were the Pharaoh, the boils would have got me. But I'm very vain. But the boils don't work. So God rains down upon the Pharaoh's lands with hail, thunder and even a little fire (for effect). That doesn't work either. How about... locusts? They're pretty gross. No? Okay. Eternal darkness? This finally does the trick. So now the list of plagues looks like this:

1) Bloody Nile
2) Frogs
3) Gnats
4) Flies
5) Wasted Beef
6) Mega-Zits
7) A Spectacular Light Show
8) Locusts
9) Scary Darkness

The Pharaoh freaks out on Moses, saying: "Get away from me; take heed to yourself; never see my face again; for in the day you see my face you shall die" (Exo 10:28). This sounds like a bad break-up ("I never want to see your stupid face again!"). Maybe it is. Who knows? We never really get to hear the Pharaoh's side of the story.

At last the Hebrews are let go (if you love something, set it free, Pharaoh). And just to seal the deal God kills all the first-born Egyptian children. Really, the moment for this had already passed but I think God really just wanted to get this one in:

10) Lots of Dead Children


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